


A Little TLC

by AlecWinchester



Series: Season 2 drabbles [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 2x01, Alec beating himself up for things out of his control, Fluff and Angst, Jace Lightwood mentioned - Freeform, M/M, Magnus Bane just wants to protect Alec, a little hurt and comfort, a way an apology could have happened, as long as they are together Magnus and Alec will be ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlecWinchester/pseuds/AlecWinchester
Summary: Alec continuously pummeled the punching bag, taking out all his frustrations towards the Clave and not being able to find Jace and just channeling it all into his fists. He can't seem to do anything right, everything he does, says, everything he is, and it’s just wrong. He feels out of control, he feels like the world is spiraling down around him and there's nothing he can do about it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, "Guilty Blood" was stunning, season two is already so, so good. Second, I am so very proud of Magnus standing up for himself and the fact that Malec had such a healthy, loving resolution. That balcony scene was blessed. Third, I am super worried for my tiny baby Alec, he is spiraling, but we mustn't blame him. Anyway, here's a little drabble, please enjoy.

Alec continuously pummeled the punching bag, taking out all his frustrations towards the Clave and not being able to find Jace and just channeling it all into his fists. He can't seem so anything right, everything he does, says, everything he is, and it’s just _wrong, wrong, wrong._

He feels out of control, he feels like the world is spiraling down around him and there's nothing he can do about it. His soul is aching without Jace. A constant void clawing its way in creating a gaping hole and nestling deep inside him and no matter what he does, the gap continues to grow. He misses Jace with every fiber of his being. And he's angry, so, so angry at not being able to find his parabatai and at that fucking Clave representative Aldertree who is blocking their every move. He just wants Jace back by his side, safe. But he's not and Alec can't find him and it hurts _so fucking much._

Alec punched the bag harder, he knows he's spiraling and he knows he been a horrible asshole to everyone around him. To Lydia, Clary, Izzy and fuck, Magnus, he's been so mean to Magnus and he doesn't want to be, because Magnus doesn't deserve it. He's always there to help, without question and Alec is so, so thankful for him yet he can never articulate it, he can't seem to find the right words or time to tell him how appreciative he is to have Magnus, kind, loving, powerful Magnus by his side.

He just wants to go back to right after the wedding, in that one moment everything was perfect, it was bliss. He had just kissed Magnus and the smile that lit up on the Warlock's face was something Alec would never forget. It was the most beautiful thing Alec had ever seen in his life and he remembers promising to try and keep that beautiful, beautiful smile on his face. But then Valentine happened and now everything is messed up and upside down and Alec can’t--he _can't let himself_ be selfish, he needs to focus on Jace and bringing Valentine down. He can't let himself focus on love, he doesn't deserve to, he has to fix everything.

Alec shook his head trying to clear his head, he didn't want to think right now, he just wanted to forget it all for a minute, it's too much. So instead he just focused on hitting the punching bag _again, again and again_ , _he just wants to stop thinking--_

"Alec! Alexander! _Stop!"_

Alec startled mid-punch, because Magnus is suddenly standing in front of him, hands hovering, stopping him from pummeling the bag once again. He sees Magnus staring at him with a look of something akin to horror mixed with concern on his face and Alec is bewildered, when did _Magnus_ appear? After that fight they had, Alec didn't think he would stick around. Specifically, why is he here with Alec, he doesn't deserve it, no Magnus shouldn't be around him, he's just going to hurt him again and he really doesn't think he'll be able to survive that broken look that crossed Magnus' face again. He opened his mouth, getting ready to find a way to tell Magnus to leave but Magnus interrupted him, "What are you doing?"

Alec's eyebrows furrowed, confused, because it's pretty obvious what he was doing, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he tracked Magnus' movements as he stepped forward into Alec's space, taking his hands into his own. It's then Alec registered a stinging shoot up his hands when Magnus touches them, he hissed and looked down only to see them bruised and bloody. Alec hadn't even realized he was going that hard, he was so lost within himself and his failures that he completely zoned out.

"I-I didn't notice." Alec said, blinking out the remaining confusing that seemed to be shrouding his every thought.

"You _didn't notice_ , really Alexander? How did you not notice that you're bleeding!?" Magnus exclaimed, eyes narrowing, an angry note colouring his tone.

Alec didn't respond, he avoided Magnus' eyes, instead focusing on his hands wrapped up in Magnus'. His pale white hands, stained in red; ugly compared to the soft, golden, elegance of Magnus's.

"Alexander?" Magnus implored, Alec looked up and Magnus was staring at him, more concerned than angry now. Alec stayed silent, not knowing what to say. So Magnus jumped into action, blue sparks jumping from his fingertips getting ready to heal him but Alec pulled back violently, ripping his hands away and clenching them at his sides as he stumbled back, causing a few drops of blood to fall to the floor.

"Stop." Alec said, avoiding Magnus as he stepped forward trying to steady him.

"What? Why? Alec, I'm just going to heal you."

"No, I-I don't deserve it." Alec mumbled.

His response caused Magnus to recoil as if he was physically hit, "Alexander, _darling_ , what do you mean?" He stepped forward again, hands held up careful in front of Alec, hesitant to touch him.

"You shouldn't be here." Alec replied ignoring Magnus' question and turning away, leaving his back facing Magnus.

"I don't understand, you're not making any sense," Magnus softly said, worry evident in his tone.

Alec just shook his head hoping if he stayed silent and away from Magnus, he would just leave. It would be better that way, Alec didn't deserve his comfort.

"Alexander, please, you're scaring me, talk to me," Magnus begged.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, " _please_ , Magnus I don't want to hurt you, not again, not any more that I already have, I can't--just _please leave_ before it gets any worse."

"No." Magnus announced, voice soft yet firm and determined, " _No,_ I am not leaving until you explain, Alexander, look, it isn't healthy to keep this all built up inside of you."

"Fine!" Alec exploded, he whirled around to face Magnus once again, an angry fire lighting up his hazel eyes, "you really want an explanation? Fine, I don't get it ok? I don't get why you're here and not at your loft after every fucking thing I said to you. I don't get how you can still be so kind and _so understanding_ after the cruel words I have thrown at you, which I am so, _so sorry_ about," Alec visibly deflated at those words, gone was the angry fire in his eyes, instead replaced with a heartbreaking sadness. "But still, I don't deserve it, I don't _deserve_ your constant kindness and patience. I don't deserved to be healed or to be fine because is Jace? Izzy? Or Clary? No, I don’t deserve anything because I have failed at every corner, I have failed _everyone,_ and yet, somehow _you're still here._ Why?"

" _Oh Alexander_ , you stupid Nephilim, you still don't get it, do you?" Magnus said, a kind smile gracing his face, "I'm still here because I care about you, and believe me I was going to leave, you _did_ hurt me, but that won't stop me from caring for you. I stayed because I knew you were hurting and I couldn't leave you like that, I couldn't leave _us_ like that. I know you're missing your parabatai, and things at the Institute haven't been easy. I know you're stressed and scared and so, so worried, but darling, you have failed _no one._ You have been trying your best."

Alec felt tears well up and shook his head violently, because no he obviously wasn't trying his best because if he was Jace wouldn't be missing and he wouldn't be hurting Magnus, "It doesn't feel like enough." He glanced down and away, trying to hide the tears but this time Magnus didn’t hesitate in touching him. He gently, placed his palm on Alec's chin, guiding his head up so he was looking into Magnus' eyes.

"Sweetheart, please, do not blame yourself, and do not undermine your efforts. I for one know you are doing what you can, so does Isabelle and Clary. I believe in you, but you can't carry all this weight by yourself, please let us-- _let me_ help you. You are not alone in any this, you deserve to be taken care of, and worried about too, ok? Don't you ever think you deserve to be in pain, ok? Your health and mind will always come first, no matter what." Magnus was fully cupping his cheeks with his hands, thumbs gently wiping the stray tears that had fallen. His eyes boring compassionately into Alec's

"I-- _Magnus._ " Alec's breath was hitching in the effort to contain the wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him, "I don't know what to say." He really didn't, no one has ever, _ever_ cared for him like this, he has never let anyone. His heart was exploding, Magnus' words enveloping him in warm relief and comfort, it's a wonder that he has only know this amazing man for a short time yet he already seems to know Alec more than Alec himself.

"Just say you'll let me heal you, please." Magnus replied, voice gentle as he trailed his hands down from Alec's cheeks, caressing his shoulders and arms and taking his bruised stinging hands into his own once again.

Alec flinched slightly at the touch, finally registering the pain from his seeping knuckles and nodded jerkily. Magnus simply smiled in response and set to work, once again making Alec's breath catch in his throat as he handled him like he was something special.

While Magnus was healing him, Alec let himself admire the man before him. He was stunning, his shirt clinging to his broad shoulders and muscular biceps and his vest highlighting his leanness. His make-up was perfect as ever and the glitter sprinkled across his high cheekbones and hair sparkled under the harsh Institute lighting. Alec really doesn't get how a man as perfect and kind and beautiful as Magnus could choose him, it's a miracle on Alec's part, being able to have this, to be able to call this magnificent man…his own.

"Magnus…"

Magnus who was focused on finishing healing his hands looked up at him in  looked up at him in question, when he didn't speak right away, Magnus raises an eyebrow as if too prompt him.

"I really am sorry you know," Alec stuttered out, "I shouldn't have taken my worries and frustrations out on you."

"You're forgiven Alexander. I know how difficult this all must be for you. I get it, I really do." Magnus smiled sympathetically, simply holding his hands gently, now that he was done healing them.

"Thank you for everything--I, uh, I just feel like the ground is shifting under me and everything is out of control, and I guess, I just don't know how to handle it all," Alec paused, "I'm--I'm not that good with change. I'm new to this, but I am grateful for you."

"I know sweetheart, it's ok, I'm here, whatever you need, but I need you to promise me something." Magnus said.

Alec nodded, "Anything."

"When things get crazy, don't push me away ok? And please, when you're feeling like this, out of control, hurt or frustrated, don't hesitate to come to me." Magnus pleaded with him, his eyes burning with something, _something_ Alec couldn't place ( _care, compassion, love?_ ), but it made him feel warm inside. "Doing this to yourself--punching this bag until you bleed, it's not healthy. I am here, to help you through this, every step of the way."

"I--ok, I promise." Alec smiled shyly.

"Good." Magnus smiled broadly right back and Alec was captivated with his beauty.

Suddenly feeling bold, Alec stepped closer to Magnus, intertwining their hands properly, "Can--can I hug you?"

"Of course Alexander, you never have to ask."

With that Magnus went to put his arms around his shoulders, pulling Alec in close, who slipped his hands around Magnus' slim waist in return, falling into his warmth and bowing his head down into Magnus' shoulder. Magnus gripped him tighter turning to kiss Alec on the head, "I'm here," he whispered into Alec's hair, "I'm here, always."

Alec knew things weren't perfect, he was still scared but the ground under him was steadier, knowing Magnus was by his side solidifying a newborn strength inside his soul and for the first time since Jace disappeared, Alec felt at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> The end, I know I am horrible at endings. I hope you enjoyed it lovelies. Please if you would like to soemone to scream about how much you love Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane with you can find me on twitter as @alecwinchesterr. love you.


End file.
